Your school-age child keeps getting into trouble - he can't sit still, can't pay attention, and is aggressive towards other kids. His teacher may have called you in to tell you about these troubles, but you're already aware of them because he displays the same behavioral problems at home. After much research and deliberation, you finally take your child to see a specialist, who diagnoses him with ADHD. How do you explain the ADHD diagnosis?
Finding the right treatment is a good first step, but your child also needs to be made aware of his condition so that he himself can take an active role in coping with the symptoms. If a child is aware of what symptoms he has and what he can do about them, ADHD won't keep your child from making friends or doing well at school. For these reasons, your child should be completely aware about his ADHD diagnosis and the extent of his symptoms. Tell your child the truth about ADHD, but do so in a constructive and reassuring manner. The idea is to get your child involved in his own treatment, as he will just have to work as hard as you and his teachers will.
Start the conversation by explaining how the brain works. You could say that your child's brain works much faster than most kids, and this can make him do things or say things without thinking. Explain that this is not always a bad thing, but that the brain needs to slow down at certain situations, like during school or when playing with friends. Reinforce the idea that ADHD can be managed with the right treatments, but that this is a team effort that requires your child's participation.
Here are some statements that you can use to explain the disorder:
- Now that the doctor identified what your problem is, we can work as a team and make things better at home and at school.
- Other kids also have ADHD and have to do certain things to get better.
- ADHD is nothing to be ashamed of. Kids with ADHD have special gifts too. Aren't you always full of new ideas and bursting with energy? Not all children are as creative as you are.
- ADHD is not an excuse to act up or slack off. Your teachers will still expect you to stay at your seat, pay attention in class, and do your homework. When you grow up, your boss will expect you to do your job well. That's why you need to get treated and work with your doctor and me, so that you can control your symptoms as you grow older.
- ADHD is not something that you can just outgrow. But if you help yourself by cooperating with your doctor and teachers, the more troublesome parts will go away.
Avoid saying the following:
- Don't use technical terms when explaining how the brain works or how treatments work. Instead, explain these in a language your child will understand.
- "You have to learn more about ADHD." Learning about ADHD is a job for parents, teachers, and other adults who are helping out your child.
- "ADHD explains who you are." This only promotes the ADHD stigma and may encourage your child to act out. Instead, say, "ADHD is a small part of you. It doesn't define who you are or what you'll be when you grow up."
- "Look at ADHD as a challenge." This is a frustrating statement won't help your child cope or feel better about the disorder.
Dr. Yannick Pauli is an expert on natural approaches to ADHD and the author of the popular self-help home-program The Unritalin Solution. He is Director of the Centre Neurofit in Lausanne, Switzerland and has a passion taking care of children with ADHD. Click on the link for more great information about what is adhd.
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